"forgive that man, for he believes that the customs of his tribe are the laws of nature!" george bernard shaw

Something traumatic happened when I was a very young girl around this time of year twenty-some-odd years ago. Things are finally clicking for me now. I'm understanding myself as well as the situation better. I still have a great deal of hatred for that man, but I'm learning to forgive him. He's sick. Plain and simple.
As we get further and further from perfection and closer and closer to near-failure, humans are bound to mess up in bigger and more explosive ways. Gross immorality is part of that whole "critical times" we experience because of that lack of natural affection, even for our fellow humans. Hatred is easy. Love is hard. To love our fellow humans, along with their faults, opens ourselves to the possibility of hurt. It's normal for us to put up shields. But would it be so bad to hurt every once in a while so we could experience the wonderful feeling of love for our fellow humans?
I think I'm getting there. I have my ministry, which is expanding into a different language field. I love showing people the wonderful truths found in the Bible which release them from Satan's lies. I love seeing them as my future brother or sister. But how can I experience such love for fellow man when I harbour such hatred for that man? I hate what he did to me. I don't want him alive. I want him to pay for what he did. He's alive and hasn't paid for what he did. But I have to remember it's not my place to make him pay or die, that is Jehovah's place. Jehovah knows what happened to me and countless other girls, he will take care of it. It is knowing that which makes me feel better about the situation. Not because Jehovah will exact the ultimate punishment, but because it's not mine to give. That weak side of me wants to make that man feel great pain, but the strong side of me is glad he isn't. His internal torture is more intense than what physical pain could produce. Jehovah knows. Jehovah will take care of it. In the meantime, I learn to forgive. I try to spend each day in a way which brings glory to Jehovah. I try, and one day, I might actually succeed. I look forward to that time when we can serve Jehovah with perfect ability, how he deserves to be served.